I would like to first apologize to those of you who follow my blog posts. I have been going through some real life changing events. I needed some time to clear my head, and I had to get Charliegh situated. She started first grade yesterday, and she is such a “big girl” now that she wouldn’t even let me walk her in!
Separation and Divorce
Today I want to talk about separation or divorce, whichever applies. We can spin off facts from the professionals all day long. We can tell people what sounds good or what we think we would do. We can give advice on how it should go in the best interest of the children, but the fact is no one knows until they are staring at 8 years lost and a broken hearted child what will happen. All I can do is share with you what I am doing to help my child get through it.
Charliegh is a resilient little girl. She is amazing, but she has seen her daddy make me cry many times. I think that her witnessing all of the trauma made it a little easier for her when he finally did blow.
What was not easy was that we found ourselves out of our home and we lost everything but the clothes on our backs. She couldn’t even get her glasses when we left. This was a child who had every toy, two closets of clothes, her own t.v. and never wanted for anything.
We went from that to NOTHING in the blink of an eye. He even got the money. I managed to get her kitten back, but it is currently being fostered as are we in many ways. A friend from work came to our rescue until our apartment is ready.
One of the most important things I have learned is that I have a support system, and we all need one. This may come in many forms be it coworkers, school factuality, church member’s coworkers or whatever.
While we are busy trying to fix everything we have to remember that our kids need a support system outside of just us as parents. Thank God that my friends two boys have been there and are around the same age as Charliegh. They are all on the same page, and they have been their rock. I got lucky, or God put me where I am to have these amazing people in my and her life, but not everyone will end up with the same situation. It is important to build the same support systems for the children as we do for ourselves. They will confide in their friends before they will us.
Another thing is though I have my good days and my bad, I do not scream at the moon how I have been wronged in front of my child. I tell her the truth as best as I can. Daddy’s heart is sick and we have to pray for his soul. He loves her and its ok for her to love him back. When the judge tells daddy that he has to give her back she will be able to go see him and even spend the night. Don’t leave our children wondering, just be as honest as you can with them. I let Charliegh know I am there is she wants to talk.
I have enrolled her in counseling, and I am in counseling as well. These are huge things to deal with. We are rebuilding our family. I mean, neither of us know how it works with one of the main functioning parts missing, but we are going to figure it out.
I am keeping her in church, and I have communicated with the school so that they understand where she is at. She is bound to have some issues that maybe they will see and I wont? If she acts out they know where it is coming from. It is a village that is helping me through with my daughter. She is surrounded by the support system that I had to swallow a lot of pride to help build for he. It meant sharing my shame, but together I know we will get her through this whole.
Finally, take care of you. This is one of the most difficult things I have ever dealt with but my daughter had unconditional faith in me and the fat that I am going to straighten it all out. So, I am. I am talking to people, not bottling, learning to accept help and I don’t give up even on days I want to crawl in the bed and cover my head up. I push on, because I am mom. I know the only way I let her down is if I give up, and I won’t ever do that to her.
So, there you have it. I wanted to touch base, let you all know I do care, I have just been in my feelings and head since it all happened. I am heavy hearted, but I am a fighter. I will be blogging again every chance I get and I hope you will follow my blogs on the site as well as the Facebook page for Biracial Boom. After all, you guys are a part of that support system we build for ourselves and others.
Any and all advice is appreciated on helping my child get through this ordeal. Hopefully others in similar situations can gain strength in knowing they are not alone. ~Spring
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