Skin color should not even be a concern, debate or issue. However, it still is as judgments, opinions, and decisions are still sometimes based on skin color. As unfortunate as this is, it’s reality.
Sometimes people do not know any better and are simply ignorant. If there’s plenty of patience exhibited and the people who say the ignorant things are willing and able to learn and grow, a meaningful conversation can happen and change can begin. I have met plenty of people that were ignorant. With real and authentic conversations, these people have discovered that their words were offensive. They have gained knowledge and are now being more careful about their word choices.
For people that have a prejudice in their hearts and minds and for those who are rude, there needs to be miracles as typically, they are not willing to learn, grow or change. Gratefully, the rude encounters are the minimum and they are from strangers or acquaintances as there is nobody is in our life, our circle and our tribe that cannot embrace our family. We just hope that these people will not approach us and will just continue to talk behind our backs and in their own little prejudice groups. We also hope for miracles and change to happen with everyone who has that kind of ugliness in their hearts and lives.
It’s never fun to get stared at, stopped at the store, talked to in the line by strangers or acquaintances and bombarded with questions about our happy family. If you feel compelled to talk to a stranger or acquaintance, keep the conversation relevant and don’t ask personal and invasive questions. If you must strike up a conversation with a stranger, let it to discussing the weather, prices or transportation. If you’re an acquaintance, leave the conversation to whatever commonality made you meet this person or family. If an acquaintance is going to become a friend, it’s going to happen through time spent together and getting to know each other gradually. Starting off by asking personal family questions is not the way for a friendship to progress.
3 Things Moms of multiracial kids are tired of hearing
The things moms of multiracial children are tired of hearing is posted to help those who have great hearts and are just ignorant that their words are offensive. It’s not meant to hurt anyone, only to help multiracial families enjoy more positive words than negative comments.
1) “What are they?” – “What are you?” – “Where are they from?” – “Where are you from?”
These four are similar and insinuate the same meaning. Depending on who the person is addressing, those are some of the annoying questions we endure.
What are they? The first time I got this question, I believe my heart raced and mouth dropped open. I used to struggle with saying something nice, finding an answer that I felt okay with and that I felt would only strengthen my children. That was until I realized that I do not owe answers to these strangers and acquaintances asking the question. After a few years of hearing this one, and developing a thicker skin, I have a standard answer. It is human.
What are you? Typically, I am not rude. I answer this one the same way, human.
Where are they from? – Where are you from? My only answer is: The USA, the Midwest … born and raised. Sometimes this one includes a roll of the eyes or look of disgust so the person inquiring realizes I am not welcoming a conversation.
PSA to the curious people – believe it or not, we all don’t look alike. The questions are insensitive and rude. It causes concern for the child and frustration for the adult. Multiracial families are just doing their best to be a happy family functioning in society.
2) Oh, “they’re mutts” or “they’re mulatto”
Seriously? I find it so insulting that anyone would ever say these words about a human. I cannot even wrap my brain around a mindset where I would ever mutter these words to or about another human. I don’t even call my dog a “mutt” where at least, I wouldn’t be offended if someone were talking about their pet. I personally just say she’s boxer and pointer most likely because I have such an aversion to the word mutt.
I find the word “mulatto” offensive. Some people accept it, use it and aren’t offended by it. However, when I look I feel it is derogatory. My boys were infants the first time I ever heard someone say the word about them. I felt offended in my heart. I knew the well-educated person saying them didn’t mean to be offensive. I remember slipping away and texting my husband asking his opinion about the word. I researched the word, look for an origin and meaning. I’ve read a lot about the word and it is a word that makes my heart sink even though I know some people do not feel the same way.
Every human should have an ancestry DNA test completed. It just might help eliminate racism, prejudice and ignorance.
3) “They’re getting darker” or “They’re not too dark”
Both comments are just wrong. Both are just rude. They are both negative. They are both racist comments.
Believe it or not, multiracial kids tan in the summer just like anyone else. We also apply sunscreen as sunburns happen too.
Our little boys are just like other kids and we’re just like every other parent. Typically, the terms, biracial, multiracial or multi-ethnic are acceptable. I personally hate the word “mixed” although I hear others using it to describe themselves or their families. When there’s an appropriate time, ask people what they like to be called.
I’m the first to admit, embrace and understand that our family doesn’t fit into what everyone expects. If you want to ask me questions when the children are not by my side, I’m ready to talk. I’m not going to excuse your curiosity and discuss things that are truly none of your business while standing in line at the grocery store with my two young sons beside me. If you’re a stranger or acquaintance, go home and google, research and look for local community events where conversations are happening to help educate people about the human race and skin colors. Again, I’m typically not rude. These questions and comments from strangers and acquaintances are rude, insensitive and wrong. I’m being direct with the HOPE of helping my children and other multiracial kids and families. ~ Trina Daniels
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